March 29nth 2004. The day started out like any other. I got up for work at 5AM. It was a Monday. I kissed Derek bye and left for work. Derek had been sleeping with his dad and I for the past 3-5 months. His older brother Daniel was sleeping on our floor. I got home at around 3PM. I pulled into our driveway and saw Derek. He was all sweaty. He was helping my younger brother Jared clean out his car. Derek saw me and yelled "Momma!".I gathered him up into my arms and we went inside. Everything after that was normal. Well, almost. I remember calling for Derek because I couldn't hear him. Come to find out he had hid from me in our storage shed outside. I told him "Don't do that, you scare momma." He thought that was funny. Around 4PM I was outside with Derek and he was mad at me because I would not let him play in the hose. I told him no and he threw a tantrum. You see, our AC was down that day and it was hot! We are in Arizona, so you can imagine. I remember that the 5 o'clock news was on. Derek was in the front room with me and was eating a lolli pop. He was throwing his sucker stick at the ceiling fan and I told him to throw it away. He pointed outside and said;"Over there?" I said "No, in there". I was pointing to the trash can inside our laundry room. He said "No, over there!" So I said "okay Derek. Go throw it away."
About 30 seconds went by and he did not return. I called for him. No Derek. He was just supposed to throw the stick in the trash can that is on our back patio. Not even 8 feet away. The blinds were all open and all of the doors and windows were open as the AC was down. Right away I panicked. I know that if you do not hear Derek, you'd better move. I searched the house and backyard. I figured he was hiding from me again. I went back outside and saw that our side gate was open. My first thought was the street! We live on a VERY busy street. I ran down to Power road 3-4 times. No Derek. I went to the park and a little boy told me he saw Derek run by. I checked all of the washes near the park. No Derek. I told some women that if they see him to grab him. At this time my brother was driving around the neighborhood looking for Derek. I ran home and called 911. I was told I could not leave the house. I had to wait for police officers to arrive. As I was out front waiting, phone in hand the AC guy showed up. I told him he could repair the AC as long as he needed nothing from me. My son was missing. As I was sitting there, I called Derek's dad and told him I couldn't find Derek. He hung up the phone. As I hung up the phone, I looked to my left. My first thought was 'Oh my god the neighbor's have a pool!". I ran back there. Their gate looked like it was closed, but I pushed my way right into the backyard.
The next part is very hard. Please understand. But I need to tell my son's story. To let people know the dangers of a pool.I remember as I walked into that backyard, I just knew. I felt like I was in slow motion. I remember looking to my left and seeing his February beanie baby birthday teddy bear. I remember all of the balls that were near the fence. As I got closer to the pool, I saw my son. He was near the diving board in the deep end of the pool. I screamed "Derek, someone help me please!" The neighbor came out of his house and the AC repair guy came back there. When I pulled my baby out, I knew he was gone. His eyes were so lifeless. They were half open. So vacant. His lips were purple. I remember screaming at my neighbor's son to call 911. He was just holding the phone. I remember doing the heimlich manuever. I remember the white foam and vomit coming out of his mouth. I remember his color coming back. I remember his father looking over the fence at me and running over to help me do CPR. I remember shoving my neighbor back because he didn't want the vomit to get onto him. I remember the Police officers. Having to answer and reanswer so many questions. They would not let me ride with my baby. The hospital was on lockdown. We were sent to a little room with a social worker. They tried for an hour and a half, but his heart never started. I remember saying good bye to my son! He looked so handsome. Like he was asleep. I remember my 5 year old screaming. My sister said I was screaming that night. I don't remember. I remember crying. Having to plan a funeral for my baby. The little boy who was attached to me 24/7. The one who cried when I left. Who always wanted me to hold him or kiss him. It is almost 3 months later and I still cry everyday. I miss my baby so much. He is our DD. He was so full of life. He had just turned 3 on 2-12-04 and for some reason this time, I let everyone go crazy with silly string in our backyard. For those who know me, I am a neat freak. But this time, I said let the kids be kids and have fun. We all did. Even the adults. The what if questions have not gone away. My heart hurts. Like a million knives are twisting inside it every second of ever day. I want to hold my baby again. I would hold him forever if I could. You can view his other website at www.derekslaw.com
One day, I will hold you forever
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